Paddy was driving around Chicago late for an appointment, and looking for a parking spot in vain. Frustrated, he looked to heaven and said "Dear Lord, I pray you grant me a parking spot, and promise to go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life." When he looked down, a parking space had just opened in front of him. Quickly looking to heaven he said "Never mind. I found one me self."
Poor Seamus was moping along when he came upon Father Flynn. "Seamus," the father says, "why the long face?"
"Father, me poor dog Patches has gone on to his reward," Seamus said. "Do you think you could be saying a blessing for Patches at Mass?"
Father Flynn told Seamus, "Why, I'm sorry for your loss, but it wouldn't be appropriate to do so in Mass. Perhaps the Universalist church would do so. They'll bless anything."
Seamus said, "Thank you Father. So do you think a $5,000 donation will be enough for them?"
"Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus! You didn't tell me the dog was Catholic!" proclaimed the Father.
Dear St. Patrick, thank you for inventing Ireland, home of the red-heads, and putting them all in one convenient island where they can't get away, and intoxicating them so that they are easily seduced. Please take this potato as an offering of my gratitude. Amen.