The Vodka God (allah_sulu) wrote,
The Vodka God
allah_sulu

Things A Well-Behaved Sub Will Not Do

  • Sing "Happy Birthday To Me" during wax play and blow out the candle.
  • In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
  • During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
  • If your dom/me tells you to "Look me in the eyes," do it cross-eyed.
  • If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"
  • Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.
  • If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.
  • Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered.
  • Tell your dom/me a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment.
  • After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"
  • Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.
  • Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling (Clap on! Clap off!) (My favorite)
  • "Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
  • Flipping your dominant off while your hands are cuffed behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of knowing these things.
  • Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs and make you crawl for it... repeatedly.
  • Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
  • Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
  • Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try his patience, quickly.
  • Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your dominant is discussing your punishment is not wise.
  • Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
  • Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh punishment will only get you more of the same, or worse.
  • "I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate response when called a raunchy little whore during humiliation play.
  • "Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an unacceptable remark when Master's flogger slips.
  • When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says he wants to play, he doesn't mean hide-and-seek... He will find you eventually.
  • "Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing your dominant say he is not pleased.
  • During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes, Master" when ordered to fetch something.
  • Adding "Sir" or "Master" to "Fuck that plan!" will not save you.
  • Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.
  • Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to crack your Owner up only lasts for so long. Then you will pay BIG.
  • Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention workers.
Tags: geekery, teh sexx0r
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