What is a friend?
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, I pledge 'till the end. Why you ask? Because you're my friend!
As for the rest of you, if you need a butthead to befriend for the day, I suggest you bring your joy and cheerfulness to noltecide.