September 19th, 2003

Allah Sulu-South Park

Arrrrrrr!!

It be Talk Like A Pirate Day; so here be some things yell at the officelubbers around ye, courtesy of topfive.com:
    The Top 30 Things to Say at Work on Talk Like a Pirate Day

    30> "Avast, Captain! Take this here job and scrub your poop deck with it, if ye catch me drift."
    29> "Avast, ye donut lubbers! Prepare to have yer meeting boarded!"
    28> "Johnson was just in here, screaming about pillaging the break room and stealing all the snack machine's 'Sweet Booty.' Should I be calling HR?"
    27> "Just give me a grog with two Sweet'N Lows, matey."
    26> "This scurvy printer has two ports, yet nary a starboard to be found."
    25> "No cover sheet on your expense report? Prepare yerself to be walking the plank, matey."
    24> "Hop to it, dogs: Thar be leftover catering booty in the break room for plunderin'."
    23> "Sixteen men an' a copier mess -- yo, ho, ho and a bottle of toner."
    22> "Avast, men! Get a telescope full of the doubloons on *that* vessel."
    21> "I'll be keelhaulin' the next one of ye what leaves ye filthy Tupperware in the break room sink!"
    20> "Arrr, matey, have your parrot call my parrot and we'll one day partake of noontime grub together."
    19> "No, Bob, I will not 'shiver your timbers.' I will, however, call my attorney."
    18> "To arms, me lads! The spoils of the snack machine shall be ours, to each in a fortieth share!"
    17> "Me cell phone fell deep into Davy Jones' locker! Nobody flush... I'll go get me hook."
    16> "Save that last donut for me, unless ya care to feel the cold steel of my hook hand up yer arse, matey."
    15> "Be that a peg leg, or arrr ye just happy to cast yer eyes upon me?"
    14> "Fax ahoy, mateys!"
    13> "Avast! A Team Builders meeting off our schedule's port bow! Scuttle yer productivity, mateys, and prepare to be bored-ed!"
    12> "No increase in me pay? Arrr, boss, let me tell ye where ye can store that hook!"
    11> "Hold that elevator, ye whoreson bilge rat!"
    10> "Ye bent my ear with yer lubberly questions WITHOUT tryin' a reboot first? Arrr! It's the plank for you, ye mangy cur... and thank ye for calling Microsoft Tech Support!"
    9> "Arrr, load the Canon, wench, and collate me copies!"
    8> "Avast, ya scurvy knave! Brave be ye, for certain, but arrr ye willin' ta die fer that parking spot?"
    7> "Twenty paces past the Magic Fountain of Water... bear ye left past the Chamber of Meetings... and a minute's voyage down the Great Carpeted Hallway... the unisex bathroom'll be on yer port side."
    6> "Aye, if it's a large treasure chest and amazin' booty ye seek, fix yer gaze upon the receptionist."
    5> "Boss, I'll be borrowin' a coupla doubloons from petty cash fer some Ho Ho's and a bottle of rum."
    4> "Aaaarrrrrghhh! Who among us floated the air mead?"
    3> "Arrr! I've arrr!anged for Arrr!lene in arrr!chives to send up that arrr!ticle on arrr!bitration."
    2> "Avast, ye demon copy machine! Taste the wrath of my arse!"
    1> "Arrr, I have made note of yer demands and I have but one question for ye: Will ye be wantin' slivers o' potato fried in the popular French style with that?"

I plan to shout each and every one o' these today -- which be not a problem, since I be the only scruvy dog who showed up for work today. Arrr.