September 19th, 2004

Allah Sulu-South Park

"Now, Here's Something You'll Really Like!"

The Veep poll is closed; and since Bradwinkle's support increased to over 50% overnight, there's no need for a runoff vote. Ladies, gentlemen ... and the rest of you ... I give you the Party Party ticket:

Allah Sulu Bradwinkle
2004

I thank all of the other nominees, and those who took part in the vote -- there will be positions for some of you in the Administration as well -- although the best position, "passed out in the gutter", belongs to Yours Truly.

Allah Sulu

Stand Up

The convention is over, the nominees confirmed, the platform and issues debated (evil vampire cheerleaders!)

Bradwinkle and I are already being inundated with requests from the media, asking us "how do you stand" in a variety of instances. I take this occasion to expound, yet again, on our superiority to our opponents.

I, Allah Sulu, sometimes stand leaning heavily to the right. Other times, I stand leaning heavily to the left. Sometimes, I stand leaning backwards. Finally, I tend to fall over on my face. Bradwinkle is able to stand upright beside me at the podium, but is also able (due to his Moose-American culture of which he is naturally very proud) to stand on all fours. That quadrupedal nature keeps him from falling over, thus bringing balance to the ticket.

This, my fellow AMERICANS, is true diversity. No matter how you prefer your leaders to stand -- we can do that.

Vote for us. Thank you. Good night.