October 11th, 2004

Allah Sulu-South Park

Election Update

It's been brought to my attention by FBLA Guy that the outcome of Washington Redskins football games has correctly predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election since 1936. If the Redskins win on Halloween, Bush will be reelected. If Green Bay wins, Kerry will triumph. As I know as little about football as I can manage not to know, I have no clue as to the relative strengths and records of the two teams this year...

...However, being the sneaky bastard that I am, I'm already working on a loophole. I figure that if I can get the game cancelled outright, due to alcohol poisoning of the players and officiators, then that will lead to an Allah Sulu / Bradwinkle victory. I just have to arrange for a buttload of vodka and Moosehead beer to materialize in the locker rooms...


Wings Across America

Reading all of your journals, trying to canvass the concerns of my constituents1, I find that some of you are quite angry at Right Wingers and others are quite angry at Left Wingers. Why the concern over such details as who's standing on the left and who's standing on the right? If I am elected, I will eliminate all of the Wingers. Vote for me. Vodka God bless.

1Which, according to my advisors, include the gratuitous use of alliteration