October 20th, 2004

Allah Sulu-South Park

Electoral Indicators

Some of you are already looking forward to the Redskins/Green Bay game¹ as a clue to what November second holds for us all. For my loyal followers, I have news of another reliable electoral indicator – Halloween masks Allegedly, the winner in every election since 1980 has been the candidate whose costume had the highest sales. Lots more people bought Reagan masks than Carter or Mondale masks, Clinton masks than Bush (senior) or Dole masks, and so on. This year, thus far, Bush masks are outselling Kerry masks 57% to 43%.² Naturally, the media is only talking about Bush and Kerry costumes, and completely ignoring all of the other candidates – as always. I have no figures available,³ but I am willing to bet that more Santa hats are sold every year than Bush and Kerry masks combined. This would appear to be good news for the Allah Sulu / Bradwinkle ticket. We'll see you in the White House in January!

¹ Shouldn't the teams be red and blue, to correspond with the Electoral College maps? Is this evidence of a subtle bias, giving Nader's color to the team which is supposed to represent Kerry's ambition?
² I don't know how reliable these figures are, since they don't include masked revellers on a budget – how many Republicans are saving money by buying a Planet of the Apes mask, shaving it, and pretending to be their candidate? How many Democratics are saving money by buying a Frankenstein mask, removing the neck bolts, and spray painting it day-glo orange?
³ Although I can make some up as needed.