Better Luck Next Time
I am officially conceding the defeat of my Presidential candidacy.
It looks as though George W. Bush has won, although there's still the gauntlet of lawyers to get through. The Party Party has no lawyers (we do have some standards, after all!) so we cannot compete in this venue. We had planned an 11½th-hour rally, but made the mistake of getting drunk before the final push rather than vice versa.
I would like to thank my running mate Bradwinkle and my campaign advisors: DarkMattr, DuctTapeAvenger, and GWIII. We can at least claim a moral victory in that we didn't try to fix anything – including the vice presidential candidate, which cost us an endorsement from Bob Barker. That bastard.