July 20th, 2005


Vermicious Knids

Someone asked the guy who's remaking Logan's Run "Why?" He responded that there really wasn't a point in remaking movies that were done well the first time. That's what I was thinking, when I pondered the remake¹ of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory early on.² My opinion a year or so ago was that the only justification for another "Chocolate Factory" movie was if they would follow it up with a movie of the second book, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Sadly (since I did like the remake), there do not appear to be any serious plans to make the sequel.³

Poll #535959 Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo

Please check all that apply.

I've seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory starring Gene Wilder.
I've seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starring Johnny Depp.
I've read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl.
I eat Wonka candy.
I would totally have dived into that chocolate river.

Do you think that they should make a Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator movie?

Yes, with the same director/actors/style/etc. as Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Yes, but with some changes (Specify in comments. Different director? Different Wonka? No more freaking dentist flashbacks?!?)
No, if Hollywood tried to film that movie, I would go all Jay and Silent Bob on their asses. Maybe even in their asses.
I have no opinion / I don't speak English

Whoa, back up a minute... They're remaking Logan's Run?

No way! The original movie was perfect!
No way! The original movie sucked ass!
Yes! They totally screwed up the ending the first time! And I want sequels!
Logan who?

¹I'm not interested in semantic games over the word "remake". This is the second movie made based on the novel, and any serious examination of the movie does have to take the first into consideration.
²They considered Marilyn Manson for Willy Wonka?!?
³Although, Hollywood being what it is, I'm sure that somebody has optioned it, just in case.

  • Current Mood

Questions, Answers, And The Chocolate Factory

  1. If qualifications and salary didn't matter, what job or career would you like to pursue?
  2. Put me in charge of a major studio in Hollywood, where I can greenlight original shows and movies, kill the endless remakes and sequels (and possibly the endless remakers and sequellers), produce my own creations, and generally do a better job than the few dozen monkeys at selectric typewriters who are doing it now.

  3. You have an empty moat. Do you fill it with water, white paint or vodka, and why?
  4. I'll go with the traditional water-filled moat.

    • A vodka-filled moat would be a waste of good vodka. It certainly wouldn't be drinkable once it had been contaminated by dirt, sediment, falling bird crap, etc. It would be diluted by rain or rendered flammable during hot weather when too much of the water evaporated from it. In short, it wouldn't offer any security advantages over a traditional moat.
    • A white paint-filled moat would be… different. It would be opaque, so that people walking or swimming through it wouldn't be able to see all of the spikes, mines, and other hazards hidden within it. On the other hand, it would be much thicker, and thus easier to float across. It would eventually harden.
    • The biggest advantage of the traditional water-filled moat over the two previous choices is that the water-filled moat can be filled with parasites, predators, and other nasty life-forms. Algae, floating lily pads and leaves, even food coloring could be used to help obscure underwater hazards. Finally, I wouldn't be laughed at when I invited over other evil castle-dwelling overlords and/or Hollywood producers.

    Inside the castle, on the other hand, would be a great place for a large body of flowing vodka – similar to Wonka's chocolate river, but clear and 80 proof.

  5. why isnt ebola an STD?
  6. I'm not sure who makes that classification. (As I've said before, it would be cheating if I just googled the answers to your questions. You could do that yourself.) Certainly it can be spread by sexual activity, but that's not enough to declare it an STD – there have been times that I caught a cold from someone I was having sex with, but that doesn't make the common cold an STD. Maybe it's because sex isn't the main vector of contagion?

  7. I like monkeys. Can I have a monkey?
  8. If you didn't get one on your third wedding anniversary, the "Monkey Anniversary", then I'll see if I can get you one of the monkeys that I push out of a job when I become a big-time producer.

  9. Will you get me a beer while you're up?
  10. Sure, hang on…
Have any more questions? Ask away, before I turn IP tracing back on and screening/anonymity off...
  • Current Music
    If I Had A Million Dollars, I'd Buy You A Monkey

(no subject)

  1. What color nail polish to use today: pink, dark pink, red, or neutral?
  2. Let's see. It's hump day, and I'm not neutral on the subject of humping. It's too hot for red. Eenie, meenie… Go with dark pink.

  3. If people just keep asking you questions, will you ever turn IP tracing back on and screening/anonymity off?
  4. I never set a definite time period for doing this; I had more or less figured on doing it until people ran out of good questions or I just got bored or busy. However, since we're going away for the weekend (again), I might end this in a day or two and think of something else to do when I get back.
Have any more questions? Ask away, before I turn IP tracing back on and screening/anonymity off...

The Word Is Given

'Star Trek' Star James Doohan Dies
James Doohan, the burly chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in the original "Star Trek" TV series and movies who responded to the command "Beam me up, Scotty," died Wednesday. He was 85. Doohan died at 5:30 a.m. at his Redmond, Wash., home with his wife of 28 years, Wende, at his side, Los Angeles agent and longtime friend Steve Stevens said. The cause of death was pneumonia and Alzheimer's disease, he said. …
Wearing that red shirt finally caught up to him. Seriously, 85 is pretty impressive considering the shape he was in. He'll definitely be missed.
At 19, James ... join[ed] the Canadian army, becoming a lieutenant in artillery. He was among the Canadian forces that landed on Juno Beach on D-Day. "The sea was rough," he recalled. "We were more afraid of drowning than the Germans." The Canadians crossed a minefield laid for tanks; the soldiers weren't heavy enough to detonate the bombs. At 11:30 that night, he was machine-gunned, taking six hits: one that took off his middle right finger (he managed to hide the missing finger on screen), four in his leg and one in the chest. Fortunately the chest bullet was stopped by his silver cigarette case. …
Wow. That's an overused cheap and cheesy plot point, but when have you ever heard of someone actually saved by a silver cigarette case over their heart? The odds of that have to be astronomical, unless you can change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics…
Oddly, his only other TV series besides "Star Trek" was another space adventure, "Space Command," in 1953.
Even he has chosen to forget UPN's horrible "Red Dwarf" ripoff, "Homeboys in Outer Space".

One to beam up.

  • Current Music
    "Amazing Grace" on Bagpipes