May 1st, 2007


Oh Noes

POYNETTE, WI — Foul play is suspected in the death of an accounts receivable supervisor for a regional office-supply company, sheriff's deputies reported Tuesday. Herbert F. Kornfeld, 34, was an alleged accounting gang leader considered by law enforcement to be a key player in a series of ongoing office worker turf wars. He was found dead Monday morning in the third-floor copy room of Midstate Office Supply, his employer of 12 years. "We believe the victim was assaulted after hours Friday by an unknown individual or individuals," a Columbia County sheriff's department spokesman said. "Though autopsy results are still pending, we believe the victim suffered fatal head trauma after his face was immobilized against the glass of a photocopier and repeatedly struck with the machine's cover." Midstate Office Supply vice-president Howard Dinwiddie is expected this week to name accounts receivable assistant Irving Weinbaum, 23, as Kornfeld's successor.The Onion

One of my friends is part of the Accounts Payabo department, so I think I know who did it…