October 9th, 2009

Doctor Who

Nena in Damanhur Naked Time Travel Sect

Bild — German popstar Nena recently spent two days at the headquarters of a bizarre sect, which claims to have a working time machine that can only be used naked!

Ummm, yeah. Hey there, ladies on my friends list, I've got one of those time machines, too! Come on over, leave your clothes over there on the couch, and Q & I'll turn  you  it on!… (Seriously, people believe a line like that?)

The 49-year-old – best known for pop anthem "99 Red Balloons" –

Here's a reminder for you young 'uns: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQYQTFudrqc

is so fascinated by the Italian "Damanhur" sect that she has even printed their secret disciple symbol on her new album.

If she's printing it on the cover of her album, then it can't be very secret. Someone needs to explain operational security to the woman.

But just how crazy is the communal organisation? And how dangerous could it be?

I can guess on the "crazy" part without reading any further…

The group's founder, Oberto Airaudi (59),

Dirty old man. I guess just offering the girls candy to come into his van and take off their clothes wasn't working anymore.

claims to have the ability to implant the spirits of the dead into newborn babies.

A claim he apparently ripped off from "Being John Malkovich".

BILD sent a reporter to their underground headquarters where there is even a "naked time travel machine." The complex of the Damanhur sect – which was founded in 1975 –

So you know drugs were also involved.

lies in the idyllic valley of Vidracco in Piedmont, 40 kilometres north of Turin. But neighbours in the area fear the 700-member strong group and their colony in the shadow of the mountains. "Everyone in the village is afraid of them. There are a lot of awful noises. They hunt down traitors. Even if they act as if the temple is a tourist attraction now," one village resident said.

How could anybody possibly be afraid of a psychotic cult in their midst? Must be racism or sexism or something.

The road to the "City of Light" is via a narrow street, and sign hangs above the entrance which reads: "The Nation of Damanhur." Members have founded a town complete with schools and its own currency, and they even use a secret language which only they can understand.

I'm glad someone finally found a use for Esperanto. Speaking of which, I just picked up "Incubus" yesterday for $3.99 in a 7-11.

Spokeswoman Esperende Ananas said: "What you see here is a wonderful world which anyone can be in.

As long as they're naked.

We don't hide anything."


But disciples guard the entrance to the temple where they keep their greatest secret – a time travel machine. Developed by founder Airudi himself, the machine can send people through time. Unfortunately the machine cannot transport clothing as well, so time travellers have to climb in completely naked.

Does it also have a problem with silicone implants, dental fillings, jewelry and piercings, and any other inorganic additives? Or is that more silly hobgoblinesque attempts at consistency and logic?

Pietro Coticoni, a victim's lawyer, said: "I know that their Gurus make people dependent on them – the women are sexually addicted to them. The cult makes people psychologically dependent."

I think Davros was making similar claims about the Doctor.

Nena may want to be a bit careful...

If she were, she wouldn't have fallen for the "get naked and climb onto my massive  tool  time machine" spiel in the first place.